I write them to my children each year on the eve of their birthdays. They are handwritten and placed in an envelop and sealed shut. I try to capture that year of their life in a nutshell. All the sweet little quirks and personality traits and the moments that mark the passage of time and their childhood. They will get them once they are older. Probably when they graduate from college. I still have sometime to figure all that out. I hope when they finally read them they get a glimpse of how much they are adored and how fierce a mother's love is no matter what age or stage in their lives.
Parenting is difficult. There are times when I'm worry I fall short of what my children need, but each day I try to do a bit better. Unfairly, I think the oldest suffers my missteps more.
Andrew, if you ever read this, know that you are amazing. You aren't typical, I doubt you could recite the names of more than 3 professional athletes, but you are passionate, excited, have conviction and happily indulge your wonderous imagination at every opportunity you get. Like last night, we sat in sleeping bags in the living room, roasting marshmallow in the fire, pretending we were on a beach at night telling stories. You are sensitive and at times get embarrassed too easily, but you are honest and good to the very core and I love this about you. You have so many ideas, so much you want to say, such a desire to make other people laugh. You are gorgeous inside & out and I tell you this daily. I think you can be misunderstood because you don't fit the typical mold, if there is such a thing, of an 8 year old boy. Please know, each day I am doing my very best to know you, your heart, your soul, what makes you all that you are and all you hope to be too.
I do hope you are having a good day at school. I was sure there would be an early dismissal with all this snow, so I hope you aren't too dissapointed that there wans't one. I will get the hot chocolate ready as soon as we get home. And while I often blog about pretty house stuff and fun family stories, today what was on my heart is you.
I love this quote and often reread it to remind myself of the privledge and challege of being a mother:
"your children are not your children,
they are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
they come through you but are not from you,
and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
you may give them your love but not your thoughts,
for they have their own thoughts.
you may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
you may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday."